question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
