I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
