Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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