So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
