Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
