i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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