So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i came on her dog
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
