Yo dont text me then not text me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize