lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
