if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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