i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize