I should be sponsored by Trojan
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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