If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
