No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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