Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
