Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
