So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i think my tv is drunk
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
