I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
