I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
