I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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