it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
