Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
