Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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