you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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