I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
