There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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