My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
