Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
