Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
