flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
