Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
