I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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