He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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