Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
