Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
