my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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