smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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