So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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