She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
