I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
