dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She needs sedatives and a leash
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
