I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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