dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
