you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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