you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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