I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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