i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
