Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
