I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
