Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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