Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Shame is for Republicans.
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