bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
