i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
