Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
