yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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