Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
