Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize