i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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