I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
