I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
