Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
