it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize