Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we're making bets on your personal life
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
