i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
