you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize