A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't deserve a penis
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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