So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
