I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I will be naked everywhere
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
