I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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